I've often heard of parents talking about how they have wept over their children. I personally have never done it...until now.
Yesterday, as Junior and I took her tricycle around one of the tree-lined lakes in the area, she did something disobedient and unkind. I called her out on it, and had the usual conversation with her about kindness and obedience (disobedience is painful, obedience leads to life, God wants us to be obedient, kindness is important, etc.). And some version of the following dialogue ensued (me in italics, her in bold):
That was unkind, Ducky. Do you understand?
(Nods yes)
Is it important to be kind?
(Nods yes)
Say, "Yes, Mommy."
(Does nothing)
Ducky, listen to me. Kindness is important. Being unkind is disobedient. Disobedience makes God sad. Is it important to be obedient?
(Shakes head no)
No, that's not right, Ducky. Obedience IS important. Disobedience is painful, and it makes God unhappy. Don't you want to make God happy?
No.
You don't?! You don't want to do what God wants?
No.
You just want to do what Ducky wants to do, huh?
(Nods yes)
That's really sad, Ducky. That's really, really sad. Disobedience is painful, and only obedience leads to life. And you know...our words need to be true. And I realize that your words right now are true; you DO just want to do what Ducky wants to do. We are all like that. But...that's really sad. And we need God to change our hearts. I will pray for God to change your heart.
No change heart! No change heart!
You don't want God to change your heart?
(Shakes head no.)
* * *
I cannot think of a more heartbreaking conversation that I've had in recent memory. It made me weep and mourn. And yes, I know that she is only two years old. But the thing about it is...I do think she understands at some (rather significant) level what we were talking about. And she was completely unashamed of wanting what she wanted, end of story.
What heartbreak to realize that the things she said--the things she feels and does--are a reflection of all mankind, including me. We all started out that way, and those whom Jesus called have been changed by his grace. All others are stuck in Junior's mindset and heart disposition--a terrible place to be.
I was reminded of how desperate a situation all of our souls are in until Christ rescues us from the hand of death and leads us to an abundant life. How grateful I am for freedom in Christ...and how urgently I plead for the same grace to extend to my children.
