Still At Home Sick

Day ten of being sick, and I'm feeling pretty miserable because I'm still in pretty rough shape (slept only two hours last night due to incessant coughing) and tomorrow is Monday.  I went into the office for all of two hours last week, and I have a filing on Tuesday, and I'm interviewing someone tomorrow, so I need to go in tomorrow.  I thought the whole holiday weekend thing would help me recover, but... seems I just got worse! :-p

I digress.

What I actually meant to say is that the side benefit of being sick is being forced to slow down...to stop, in fact... to reflect... to re-evaluate.  To be still.  I appreciate that aspect of illness.  This time around, I've spent a lot of time lying in bed, awake.  Ordinarily I am pretty restless; I like to be busy with things, even if it's being busy doing something relaxing.  Sitting still and doing nothing is not among my fortes.  And yet I have spent MANY hours during this last week doing exactly that.  And in those many many hours, I've been reflecting upon the following:

• This is, in part, what I've been praying for over the last several months.  Things have been going so well and I have been praying daily that even when things start to slip, we will still maintain a posture of gratitude and joy.  God has been answering that prayer.  Of course, we know this illness will pass and there are much greater trials to come.  But I feel that God has used this little hiccup to affirm the value of requests during times of peace for the same strength--and alacrity even--to carry us through times of difficulty. 

• The cross.  The meaning of the Jesus's sacrifice.  How it relates to communion.  How it relates to me.  I've shared before how I struggle with communion.  It's not a very spiritual experience for me, and a lot of times I feel as if I'm just going through the motions without understanding why it is so important, or even how the symbolism really works.  But an "Eat This Book  - Torah" sermon we listened to recently walked us through the whole process of atonement and animal sacrifice in the Old Testament, and it really spoke to me.  Pastor Tim talked about how sin is like our trash, and we can't just let trash accumulate; we have to deal with our trash.  How God deals with trash is by requiring the shedding of innocent blood to cover our sin.  While this sounds violent and gruesome, it just goes to show how serious sin is in God's sight.  In the Old Testament, God allowed a sinner to atone for his sin by bringing a blemish-free animal to the altar, laying his hands on the animal (thus symbolically) transferring his own sin to the animal, and slaying the animal (to pay the debts of the sinner).  The Israelites had to bring sacrifices over and over and over, though...until Jesus came.  As the Lamb of the world, He took away all the sins of the world, for good, with His sacrifice on the cross.  It's not as if I didn't know all this stuff before, but...somehow it makes a lot more sense to me now.  

• The parable of the man who was forgiven a huge debt, but wouldn't turn around and forgive a small debt.  I read this earlier in the week and it really stuck out to me.  I struggle with being judgmental of certain people in my life, and I feel as if God is telling me that I judge them because I haven't forgiven them.  And I must forgive them; after all, I am the man who was forgiven a huge debt! How could I not turn around and forgive a small debt?!  I am still mulling this over, and realizing how much I need God's help to change.

• My husband is more patient and loving than I am.  All week, night after night, I have kept him up with my coughing.  Instead of consoling me during Coughing Bout 1 through 3, then ignoring me in all subsequent Coughing Bouts throughout the night out of annoyance (which is what I would probably do), he consoles me during all of them, all through the night. Every night.  And now I know--yet again--how much more patient and loving he is.  I'm challenged to be better at this wife thing.  Need to outbless my husband!

Time for a nap, methinks.  Or maybe just more lying in bed, with more time to reflect.