"Held" by Natalie Grant

Close friends of ours just lost their newborn baby, who was born eight weeks early.  We feel as if we have been punched in the gut, our hearts are sinking, we grieve for our friends, and for their son.  Yet we have hope.  Thank God for Christ, we have hope.  

This song keeps coming to mind as we remember and pray for our friends:

T

wo months is too little

They let him go

They had no sudden healing

To think that providence

Would take a child from his mother

While she prays, is appalling

Who told us we'd be rescued

What has changed and

Why should we be saved from nightmares

Were asking why this happens to us

Who have died to live, it's unfair

This is what it means to be held

How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know

That the promise was that when everything fell

We'd be held

This hand is bitterness

We want to taste it and

Let the hatred numb our sorrows

The wise hand opens slowly

To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

This is what it means to be held

How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know

That the promise was that when everything fell

We'd be held

If hope if born of suffering

If this is only the beginning

Can we not wait, for one hour

Watching for our savior

This is what it means to be held

How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know

That the promise was that when everything fell

We'd be held

Marriage Advice

I was recently asked to offer some marriage advice to a friend who's getting married in a couple months.  It was a good opportunity to reflect on the things I've learned about marriage over the last several years.  Here's what I wrote:

Things to remember when things are not going so well

• Your spouse is not your enemy.  It can feel like your spouse is your enemy when the job is stressing you out, the dishes haven't been done, and you feel like you can't get any attention.  But your spouse is never your enemy; Satan always is.  And Satan wants nothing more than to sow discord in your marriage.  Don't let him!  Focus on communicating and working with your spouse to get at the heart of the issue.

• Gratitude is key.  Expressing gratitude is even more key.  Mr. Squire and I don't really fight hardly ever, but once in a while we get a little snippy or impatient.  When this happened over the course of a couple days last year, we started a game called the "Appreciation Game," in which we take turns stating things that we appreciate about each other.  We just keep going back and forth until we both feel fully loved and appreciated again.  We pull out the Appreciation Game whenever we feel ourselves sliding toward snippiness.  And every time, it works wonders because (a) it forces each of us to verbalize our gratitude for the other, and (b) it allows each of us to hear and be reminded of why the other person appreciates us.  

• God is pleased when we humble ourselves and say that we're sorry.  Being the first to apologize is NEVER easy.  But the sooner one of you does it, the better.  The road to recovery almost always starts with an apology.  To my own shame, Mr. Squire is almost always the first to apologize.  I am deeply grateful for and in awe of his humility, and it is definitely a way in which I feel his deep love for me and for God.

• Humor is a great way to defuse a situation!  I'm not good at it.  If you'd like to learn more, feel free to ask Mr. Squire: he's a master at this.

• When you get married, you basically make an appointment with your spouse--every day of the year, for every year until one of you dies--to be there for your spouse, and to be for your spouse.  When life gets hard, just remember that.  Even if you feel like there isn't anything in particular that you cando to make things better, remember that there's a lot of power in presence and support.

Things to remember when things are going well

• Your happy marriage isn't just for you.  When you are joyful in your marriage, be a steward of that joy by helping others who struggle with their marriage, and otherwise use the extra energy created by your joy to serve others.

• Be thankful! A harmonious marriage doesn't come easily to everyone.  If it does for you, express continual thanks for that gracious gift from God.   

Things to remember all the time 

• Pray together.  Every day.  With each other and for each other, and for other people.  This strengthens the intertwining of your souls, but more importantly, it strengthens your collective bond with God.  Nothing is more important!

• Marriage is temporary.  I don't mean that in the divorce sense; I mean that in the death sense.  I know way too many people (can count on two hands) who lost their spouses before the age of 35 through everything from cancer to helicopter crashes to simply sudden death, and it always reminds me that while I might be married now, that could change literally at any moment.  The downside of this awareness is that I am way too paranoid about Mr. Squire's wellbeing, but the upside is that I almost never take my marriage for granted.  Marriage is temporary: we all start out single, and we will all end up single one day.  Enjoy every day with your spouse!

• God comes first.  Spouse comes second.  Kids come third.

• Compliment your spouse often.  Who doesn't like a compliment?  And besides, you should be your spouse's number-one cheerleader (and vice versa).

• Single friends are important too!  Not just because they were your friends before and should still remain your friends, but because you as a married person have important perspectives that you can share with them, and they as single people have important perspectives that they can share with you.

Isaiah 1:11-13

This passage came up TWICE for me today:  once during the church service and once during the Blackhawk sermon we listened to over dinner.  This excited me, because I believe that when God repeats things (especially in such close and obvious succession!), He is speaking directly to me.

It also sobered me because ...well, just read the verses... they are all about fervent religious activity made worthless because the heart does not match the actions. Kapow.  Straight to the heart.  Duly noted, Lord.

Spent some good time with Mr. Squire unpacking what I think God is saying to me... I need to hold my tongue.  Beware not to create divides within the church.  Take care of my family.  Be patient and humble.  Do justice.  Have compassion.  Share.  Love people, even when they annoy me.  And don't think for a second that "good deeds," "serving at church," or any other "godly acts" will appease God's wrath and frustration over these sins.

Ouch.  The prophet--God's mouthpiece--speaks judgment for our good.  It hurts, but it is so we can have a real and mended relationship with God.  I know I have a lot to reflect on and repent over... I'm smarting, but I'm also grateful.  The Lord chastens those whom He loves.

Hello from the Left Coast

A couple days ago, Mr. Squire and I took an emergency trip out here to visit my ailing grandfather, who suffered a massive stroke last weekend and somehow managed to survive and tell the story.  My dad had bought a one-way ticket, and he had been holding down the fort with his middle brother, with their younger brother not far away.  My brother came for a couple days with his daughter so that my grandpa could meet his only granddaughter for the first time.  The day after they left, we came.  Far-flung family members tend to make special efforts to gather for three major occasions:  birth, marriage, and death.

In the office the day before I left, TV hugged me goodbye and told me she was glad I was taking the time to go (amid two very active cases and one headed to trial) and that it would be a good trip for me to gain some perspective.  Her words rang with truth, and I've been carrying that comment with me ever since.

I'm certain that I'll need more time to process in the days/weeks/months ahead, but here are some of my impressions from the trip so far...

• Faithfulness is measured powerfully by the bad times.  Who walks with you in your times of greatest need?  Who visits you when you no longer have anything to offer in return?  Who remembers you even when you do not remember in return?  Who patiently repeats the same instructions to you, over and over, and over and over, and over and over--and feels heartbreak, rather than outrage, at your inability to comprehend?

• Faithfulness is also measured powerfully by all the other times.  Who celebrates with you in the everyday?  Who prays for you on an email's notice?  Who lights your birthday cake?  Who shares the joy of your good news, and helps shoulder the pain of your bad news?  Who is willing to spontaneously take you in for the night to ease your travel burdens?  Who is still eager to see you even if only once every three years?

• In the end, we will all return to the dust.  There's no escaping it.  And in the end, what will matter?  It is so, so difficult to take the long view at this point in my life.  But failure to take the long view may result in a host of wasted years and effort in the end.