I'm not gonna lie... I'm exhausted.
I worked a really long day today in the middle of a really long week in which I have not been getting enough sleep because somehow I'm in the insomnia stage of pregnancy. Then I came home, vacuumed the floor and made banana pudding for our dinner guests tomorrow, then did the dishes, and still have to hand-wash some of my clothes. I decided that I didn't have enough energy to cut the remaining half of the watermelon. When I say no to cutting watermelon, you know I've reached the end of the line.
This is just one day, and really -- objectively -- it wasn't that bad.
But mentally, I'm starting to feel more and more worn. I've been billing 190-220 hours a month, every month, for the last six months. Haven't had a vacation. Am preparing for a move (in July), a trial (in September), and a child (in November). It's just... a lot.
And then Junior is going to come. And the madness will not stop. It will hopefully be happy-madness, but it will still be madness. And chances are high that I will feel the same level of exhaustion as now--but without an end in sight. Is it okay that in this moment, that does not excite me? In fact, it scares me?
That is all. I think I need to go to sleep.
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