Reflections

There's nothing like being sick--and spending more than 36 hours in bed over two days--to get me to stop and reflect.

And be thankful for health, and all the other days that have come and gone, without enough sleep, without enough decompression time, without enough exercise, (probably) without enough nutrition... without issue.

And be thankful that at least my child is healthy again, because seeing her suffer through a fever and a bout of hand-foot-mouth last weekend was awful, and the only consolation was that I was able to be there to hold her in my lap, the only place she wanted to be, all...weekend...long.

And linger a nice while on that thought, of little Junior on my lap.  I love it when she's on my lap.  She loves to climb onto my lap when I'm sitting in a chair.  She loves to plop down on my lap when I'm sitting on the floor.  She loves to walk up to me expectantly and look up at me with those eyes that say, "Pick me up, bosh?"  (Because "bosh" means please in Junior-speak.)  She loves it when Mommy holds her.  It can stop her from crying in a second, it can bring a joyful smile to her face (with an excited kick of her legs), it can make her squeal with delight, it can bring her to her safe and comfy space.  What a privilege to be the arms that hold this little one! I never say no, and I will carry her for an entire afternoon, through Costco, through the gardens, through the Science Center, whatever...because I know the day will soon come when I can carry her no longer.  Or she won't want me to.  These days are precious and limited, and I am enjoying each one.

And sign onto Facebook and consider the brevity of our lives here.  The number of friends, or friends-of-friends, or law school classmates, or family-of-friends who have lost their lives under the age of 35 is astonishing.  A lot of cancer and other health problems.  Mostly, actually.  The occasional freak accident.  All sad.  All reminders to enjoy each moment that we have.

Which...I mostly do.  But I feel the insidious monster of discontent creep in eventually, and it has been visiting me as of late.  Oh, who are your friends here, really?  Who's your bestie at work?  Oh, you don't have one?  You get along with everyone great, but no bestie -- even though nearly everyone else has a bestie, how about youuu?  And no mommy friends?  Well, no close mommy friends?  Well, that's what happens when you're a working mommy...no mommy friends for youuuu...

and on and on.

I could finish, but it's time for my next nap!