Watch Out When Daddy Does Laundry...

Dear Junior,

I often wonder about what kind of person you're going to be.   Will you be a sensitive softie with hard edges like your mom?  Or will you be a happy-go-lucky softie who gets along with practically everyone like your dad?  I guess that more likely than not, you'll just be Junior -- your own person with your own gifts and quirks.

One thing that I really hope for you is that you'll appreciate your parents' sense of humor -- or at least have sufficient compassion not to be embarrassed by it.  Because if you don't have that, then... you're going to probably be one unhappy kid.  Your parents love having fun, and they love playing tricks.  And they kind of speak a language all their own that is punctuated with lots and lots of laughing.  I hope you inherit our unique little funny bone so that we can all have fun together.

Yesterday, your dad did the laundry for us.  He's been doing that faithfully for the last three years -- lugging two weeks' worth of laundry down five flights of spiral stairs, down the street to our Moroccan and Yemenite friends' place, then back up five flights.  Yesterday I told him to leave the laundry on the bed so that we could fold it together when I got home; no need for him to do everything.  

And sure enough, when I got home, the bags of laundry were on the bed.  Except that when I opened the bags, I found that your dad had already neatly folded and stacked everything together.  What a nice rascal, right?  So I put everything away and made the bed, and that was that.

Until a gleeful voice called out from the next room:  "Did you find your underwear?" I paused.  Come to think of it, I unpacked everything, but...had not encountered my underwear!  I knew what was coming:  your dad wanted me to hunt, just as he wanted me to hunt for JJ the night before.  This is his latest idea of fun. 

Well, he did a good job hiding the underwear, because I looked everywhere (so it seemed, and our apartment is tiny, just so you know) and could not find it. Anywhere.  Finally, I gave up and threatened to wear the same pair for the whole next week until he released my hostage underwear.  (I was already basically down to the last pair.)  Your dad crawled into bed to go to sleep and put on his eyemask with a satisfied smile.  Mission accomplished:  Foiled Wife's Attempt to Find Bare Necessities.

I slipped away to take one last bathroom break before bed (Junior, you keep sitting on my bladder and I have to go to the bathroom all the time now).  And when I came back, your dad was grinning under his eyemask.  And as I walked past the basket of stuffies on the dresser, I caught something unusual out of the corner of my eye (noticeable to me even though I didn't have my glasses on and I'm pretty blind).  The big penguin had something around his neck...a pair of underwear!  And the little penguin too! In fact, every single animal in the basket had a pair of underwear around its neck.   Your dad was chuckling.

I gathered up my underwear with a sigh of pretend exasperation, then headed to bed.  And there I saw Doggy and JJ -- both wearing more underwear.  Your father!!!

I gathered those and put them away, and when I turned back -- more pairs had emerged! So I put those away too, and finally went to bed.  At which time your dad lifted his eyemask and impishly asked, "Did you find all of them?"  Come to think of it... I really only collected 10 pairs or so...but I definitely have more.  He lifted my pillow to reveal the rest in a stack.  What a rascal!

This is your father.  And your mother thinks he is hilarious.  Welcome to the family, Junior.  Hope you find a comfortable and comforting place in our crazy and cozy little world.

Love,

Mommy