Fwd: Dear Junior

Hi there,

You're due to arrive in just over two weeks now.  We made it this far together, by a lot of grace and provision from God and lots of hand-holding from your dad and our church community.  These days, you are super-active, even trading your usual gentle gymnastics for a couple boxing punches.  Thanks for letting me know that you're alive and probably healthy.

Over the last 37 weeks, we've been through a lot together.  Looking back, it's been quite a journey.  You started with us in Brooklyn and moved to Jersey (but will probably be born in Manhattan).  You traveled to California and were around (though we didn't know it) when we visited your great-grandfather and your grandpa's entire side of the family back in March.  Your great-grandfather passed away just a couple months ago, so you were very lucky.  You were discovered jointly by your mom and one of your mom's dearest friends on that same trip, so you've *kind of* met Auntie C.  Well, very kind of.  

You traveled to Richmond a couple times and kept Mommy company as she took and defended her first depositions and spent the first eight months of your life preparing for a trial.  You survived the bedbug saga, fortunately shielded by your cozy little (not-so-little!) placenta.  You were along for the ride as your parents set up their new home (again) and got things ready for your arrival.  And you ended up getting a baby shower after all.  Lucky you--so, so SO many aunties and uncles and cousins ready to meet and love you.  All kids should have it so good.  And now you are gearing up to make your appearance. 

I freely admit that I am not really ready to be a parent.  I'm not sure I ever will be.  But God's been helping me and I know He will continue to help us all as we all get to know each other and become a family.

Here are some thoughts I have as I consider your arrival (in no particular order):

• If there's only one thing I can pass on to you, I want it to be the central truth of life -- the truth about who brought you here, who created you, who loves you most of all, who defines love in the first place, who ought to be your only hope and reason in this life.  I want to teach and show you this truth in a manner in which you will understand.  And I hope and pray (and have been praying) that you will come to acknowledge, accept, and adopt this truth, and live by it throughout your days, however few or many they may be.

• I hope you dream.  And I hope you dream the dreams that God gives you -- not dreams I have for you.  I don't really dream for you right now, and I hope to keep it that way.  Your dreams should be God-given, not parent-given.  And your dad and I have been praying that we will give you freedom and encourage you to become exactly who your Heavenly Father wants you to be.

• Your dad is really incredible.  He is super-fun, super-funny, teachable, humble, loyal, servant-hearted, quick to apologize, highly intelligent, witty, thoughtful, oddly sentimental, laid-back (for most things) but principled (in the most important things), wise, and overwhelmingly patient--especially with me (which is not easy to do).  Like...you really won the lottery (as did I).  I hope you see it that way.  And I hope you and he have many, many years together, and that as you grow older, you come to appreciate all the wonderful things about him. 

• We're not going to be perfect parents.  That frightens me, because I kind of like to do things as close to perfectly as possible.  I will try my best not to impose my perfectionism on you, and not to expect perfection from you -- especially as you grow up.  I hope you will find grace for us because we are definitely going to mess up from time to time...and not even know it.  I'm not looking forward to messing up, but I know it will happen.  I'm really sorry!

• The stuffed animal thing... I guess there's a small chance you may never know what I'm talking about.  But in all likelihood, you'll one day find out about your mother and her stuffies, and I'm not sure what you're going to think.  You probably won't be as merciful as your dad, and I wouldn't blame you.  But know that they were kind of like practice children for me (I know it sounds bizarre), and they helped me through a lot of things.  So if you can imagine a more neurotic, less-well-adjusted version of your mom -- that's who I would have been if it weren't for the stuffies.  So... in a way, I hope you will be grateful for them.

• I'm excited to meet you.  I have no sense of who you are going to grow up to be, but I am eager to find out, and I'm here to help you.  Your dad and I want to help love you into the person that God intended you to be.  We look forward to meeting you in a couple days (or weeks).  Welcome to our little family!