Learning to Walk Humbly - 5

• Receiving sweet pictures of my girl and Mr. Squire playing all afternoon.  He wrapped her stuffed pig in a blanket and said he was teaching her about "pigs in a blanket."  They watched the construction trucks outside as they tore up the asphalt in front of our apartment.  He put her down for a nap (as every day) and worked next to her. The flexibility of his job is such a privilege and gift to us, and it is so sweet to see my girl and my hobey enjoy each other's company so much.  (And yes, it made me a weensy bit jealous, but in a good way.)

• Then I came home to see that what Mr. Squire said is true: she smiles when she sees a certain picture of me on the wall.  :)

• Watching her chew on her watermelon rind.  And eating my own. 

• Decent day at work. Thankful for my co-workers.  They are good people, and very smart and good at what they do.  And they help me become good at what I do.

• Another conversation with a complete stranger - someone in the office I'm interviewing for next week.  Kelly is her name.  Found her through a law-school alum (another stranger) who works in a nearby office.  The kindness of strangers...I'm constantly leaning on the kindness of strangers, and it's very heart-warming.

• More perspective... the following reflections... such as what I wrote to a sister today:

It's occurring to Mr. Squire and me that in all likelihood, we'll be moving away, and maybe very soon.  (The DC job, if it pans out, probably would move very quickly - though that poses issues with respect to my desire for the job in Florida.)  I'm not sure how to process that, because I don't think I ever really thought we would move.  And maybe we still won't. But I don't really see another way.

 

The more desirable jobs (in terms of hours) are all elsewhere -- apart from New York, the "magnet for crazy people" as I like to call it. 

Then again...who knows what God is doing?  It has also occurred to me that maybe God is bringing me on a tour of other jobs and positions, and giving me a chance to interview for them -- and then maybe he will close those doors (either through lack of offers, or by convicting us that we should not take them even if offered), as real confirmation--solid and true and undeniable--that we are meant to stay here.  I could see God doing something like that, too -- dangling my dream job in front of me, and then leading me, step by step, to NOT take it, so that I won't ever wonder about it anymore. 

But then...I'm also thinking about my friend Chris as he contemplates a possible move from BJ. He moved there and pulled lots of strings with his big law firm to move there (there was no business reason for him to be there) so he could start a house church there 3 years ago.  The house church expanded from 5 ppl in his living room to more than 200 people.  Now God appears to be calling him, through his law-firm job, to somewhere else (back to Hong Kong? Korea? I forget).

 

And in thinking through it, Chris shared that he felt that he didn't want to go because his church in BJ needs him.  But as he continued to pray and think through it (which he is still doing), he is coming to realize that in the past 3 years, God has used him to raise up leaders at the church, such that...they actually *don't* need him. 

 

And as he looks ahead at this other opportunity that's opening up, he sees ways in which the work God seems to be leading him toward at work is consistent with his church plant's next steps in terms of geography (i.e. emphasis on Singapore, Japan, and Australia, I think it was).  

I don't have nearly as much clarity as Chris does. But as Mr. Squire and I keep talking about a potential move, what makes us really sad is leaving our church and community here. But last night it occurred to me that maybe I'm thinking about it the wrong way.  

 

As wonderful as our church is--and as vital as it has been to our joy and life here -- my sadness stems from what I'll be missing in terms of what it gives to me (i.e. comfort, family, support, love, etc.).  Some of it is also with respect to missing out on ways I love serving in our community (i.e. through prayer and mentoring the younger ladies), but a lot of it is about what I'm going to miss on the receiving end.  

 

But...I'm not supposed to think that way. I should be looking ahead to where God wants me to GIVE.  Not saying I wouldn't be heartbroken to leave Vision (because I totally would be), but God is showing me that while that's a valid thing to mourn, it's not probably a reason to hang back, unless it's also the place where He is calling us to give and serve. (And maybe it is, in which case I really need Him to open up the right door HERE!)