"Anyway" by Mother Theresa

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People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

Is This What Having a Kid is Like?

I'm not gonna lie... I'm exhausted.  

I worked a really long day today in the middle of a really long week in which I have not been getting enough sleep because somehow I'm in the insomnia stage of pregnancy.  Then I came home, vacuumed the floor and made banana pudding for our dinner guests tomorrow, then did the dishes, and still have to hand-wash some of my clothes.  I decided that I didn't have enough energy to cut the remaining half of the watermelon.  When I say no to cutting watermelon, you know I've reached the end of the line.

This is just one day, and really -- objectively -- it wasn't that bad. 

But mentally, I'm starting to feel more and more worn.  I've been billing 190-220 hours a month, every month, for the last six months.  Haven't had a vacation.  Am preparing for a move (in July), a trial (in September), and a child (in November).  It's just... a lot.

And then Junior is going to come.  And the madness will not stop.  It will hopefully be happy-madness, but it will still be madness.  And chances are high that I will feel the same level of exhaustion as now--but without an end in sight.  Is it okay that in this moment, that does not excite me? In fact, it scares me?

That is all.  I think I need to go to sleep.

 

Hi Junior

You just kicked me.  Hello.  Nice to see we have an active little girl on our hands.

Hope you've been enjoying the feast of watermelon, pineapple, grapes, cherries, and especially peaches and nectarines from the Japanese fruit/veggie stand that we've been feeding you for the last couple months.  If you're anything like your mom, you will be a fruit monster.

In about seven weeks, we're moving away from Brooklyn.  As I walk down the tree-lined streets and past the well-manicured gardens and flower boxes that fill our neighborhood in Willowtown, I think of you and how sad I am that you will not grow up in this beautiful place.  I am doing my best to enjoy it to the fullest for both of us.  We'll have to bring you back here, though, because you've just got to see it with your own eyes. 

Daddy continues to enjoy calling you "Jujube."  And he continues to insist that he will adopt some crazy spelling of that name for you.  Don't worry, he's not serious.  Now's the time to get used to his banter and jokes (like how he keeps using Mr. Stripey the Pillow to kick Beaver out of the bed) -- with any luck, you'll be laughing along for many, many years to come.

You're about 12 ounces by now, according to yesterday's 20-week scan, and Mommy's getting a little bigger.  Most of her clothes still fit pretty well and most of the time, it's not all that obvious to others that you're present.  This is, of course, annoying to Mommy when she wants a seat on the crowded train.  But she's thankful not to be huge -- that time will come!  But don't worry about that; you just keep doing your thing and growing.  Daddy and Mommy marveled at your little fingers and toes and that amazing spine during your scan yesterday.  You're growing so well!  Although...you still look like an alien.  :)

We're praying for you, and for us, every day -- praying that Daddy and Mommy will be wise and loving parents who reflect Christ to you and are patient with you and create a stable, loving environment for you.  And we pray each day that you would come to know Jesus as your Savior and that you would follow and serve Him from a young age, and throughout your life.  We don't really pray about other things -- those are all peripheral.  If we can get just the things that we named:  wisdom, love, patience, and your heart won over for Christ, that's pretty much winning the entire battle.  

God willing, we'll see you in 20 weeks, Junior.  We're halfway there!

What I Learned This Friday Night

This evening, we had dinner with our fourth-floor neighbors, Wes and Diane, for the first time.  Dietary restrictions of "no salt" and "no meat" made for an interesting menu (we somehow managed with avocado toast, tomato and egg, and key lime pie for dessert).  They're an entire generation and a half ahead of us (both in their late 60s), but we found plenty to talk about.  It was a little bit like being on a first date--you kind of know each other, but not really, but you're interested in knowing more.

We admired pictures of grandkids.  Wes amazed us with his magic effects (he is actually quite a famous magician and doesn't call them magic tricks; he calls them "magic effects").  I played some piano.  They brought us some very sweet and thoughtful gifts for Junior.  (Wes is all about Junior.)  We shared thoughts and stories about everything from crack-cocaine sentencing, to legalization of heroin, to how going vegetarian saved Wes's life, to Diane's extremely active social life.  Somehow conversation flowed from one topic to the next, and it was a lot of fun.  I realized after Wes and Diane left that outside of our wide Asian Christian social circle and our smaller, highly-educated professional circle, we don't have very many (any?) friends.  But the world is filled with wonderful, truly fascinating, and good people like Wes and Diane -- we just don't know them.

I'm glad that over the last couple years, between helping Diane haul her stuff up to the fourth floor and bumping into Wes on his cigarette breaks, we've gotten to know these two folks.  I'm sad that we're just getting to really know them as we're about to leave.

But it's a lesson for the next go-round.  Keep our eyes and hearts open.  See beyond the usual.  Make different kinds of friends.  Spread the love.

Conversation at Trader Joe's (So I Heard)

Checkout lady:  That's all you got?  A single watermelon?

Mr. Squire:  Yup.  Getting it for my wife.

Checkout lady:  You just came for that thing?  In the rain?

Mr. Squire:  Yup - and there were only three left!

Checkout lady:  Is she pregnant?

Mr. Squire:  Actually...she is!

Checkout lady:  Yeah, good thing you got it...or she'd be hopping mad!

Mr. Squire:  Actually...it's a surprise...

So apparently pregnant women have cravings for watermelon?? I have those cravings before I got pregnant!

My hobey is the best -- surprising his wife with watermelon...trekking in the rain, and lugging it home half of a mile and up five flights of stairs (on foot!).  :)