Let's Be Real...

Life is good here in Palmtreeville.  Mostly.  

I still pinch myself most days, tickled and shocked at the fact that I'm finally living out my dream at work.  Unbelievable.  

My wonderful baby girl and her dad are fantastic (albeit exhausting) housemates.  This evening, Daddy was trying to build a tower taller than Junior with her new wooden blocks, and Junior was toddling over and knocking it over like Godzilla.  Good times had by all.  These are the moments that make life magical.

And ridiculously hot weather aside, it is beautiful here.  Flowers, trees, puffy clouds, a beautiful sky, and a piercing sunset every evening as I leave the office.  The fact that I leave at a time at which I can still see the sun is a shocker.

So...life is good here in Palmtreeville.  Mostly.

Today at lunch, I took a walk (yes, I took my lunch hour! Again, a shocker), and walked round and round the nearby lake, passing hoards of sandpipers, herons, swans, and geese.  

It was nice.  But I was lonely.

My mind was in New York... on the grimy, nasty streets of New York.  On the crowded, bustling sidewalks of New York.  On the beautiful, beloved faces of my friends-like-family in New York.  I kept thinking (as I often do these days) that I can't wait to go back to visit.  Surely, it won't be the same--and that will be a mixed blessing--but I still can't wait to go back and see the faces that I love, and the City that I was too busy to learn to love.

Reminded of our call to remain grateful in all things, and reminded of the tremendous abundance of life that God has given me here and there and everywhere, I tried to pray.  I really did.  But not much came out.  Some praise, some thanks, and then I fell silent.

And I decided that it was probably okay for me to just be still and know that He is God.  (Always my excuse when I don't have prayers readily on my lips.)  And that He was walking with me, mourning with me a while, encouraging me to be glad, and helping me remember my prior life with thanksgiving and some sorrow.

The Struggle is Real, And Grace Is, Too

I've been reading a fantastic book called "Have a Little Faith," by Mitch Albom (who is not a Christian).  I read last night a section when Mitch went to an old dilapidated church in Detroit and got to know the pastor there.  The pastor (a former drug addict and dealer) mentioned that sometimes his parishioners came to church all high on drugs, and Mitch said, "Really? Don't you mind?"  And the pastor's response was this:

"I don't care if you're drunk, or you just left the drug house, I don't care.  When I'm sick, I go to the emergency room.  And if the problem continues, I go again.  So whatever's ailing you, let this church be your emergency room.  Until you get the healing, don't stop comng." 

That response reminded me of Jesus saying that He came to heal the sick, not the well.  And it convicted me, because I spend a lot of time trying to be "well" -- or at least do things that make me look like I'm "well."  But God knows the truth, and deep down, I do too.  I am sick and I need help.  And in addition to mourning this and repenting, I need to also REJOICE! Because Jesus is our emergency room, and he invites us to come to him for healing... over and over...and over... and over.  Until we get the healing, He says, we are still welcome--don't stop coming.  How wonderful!

Dear Junior: Christmas is Coming!

Dear Junior,

It's been a rough week for all of us.  First you got sick with roseola, then you caught the common cold--which you generously shared with Daddy and Mommy.  (Not on purpose, we know!)  Then things got extra-bad when Mommy came down with mastitis, which is still keeping Mommy down.  We are all still coughing and sneezing and wiping our noses and chasing away fevers.  But we are together and I keep thinking to myself, what a crazy endeavor it is--to raise a child and have a family.  It's so much work! And so very worth it.  I feel luckier than lucky to be blessed with such an opportunity.  Thank You, Lord.

Some of the fun/funny things you've been doing lately include:

• "Wiping" your face with both hands (from top to bottom), then grinning widely (i.e. with scrunchy face).  Not sure why you think this is hilarious, but it brings you such delights both when you do it and when I do it. 

• Impressing us with your capacity to eat.  You ate almost an entire avocado at dinner today!  And that's on top of quite a few green beans and a generous serving of your all-time favorite -- blueberries.

• Speaking of blueberries, you always know when we have them.  (I guess we have them every day.)  But you always know where we keep them!  (Though I guess we always keep them in the green cup.)  So when we bring out the green cup, you always point to it because you want its contents. And when I start to pour out some berries, you stick your little fingers in and help yourself to some more...and some more...and some more... silly Bathands. It's so cute.

• You're getting much better at not crying at daycare dropoff anymore. Yay! It was always so hard for me to leave you crying.  So thankful that you have adjusted, and it seems that you have fun while you're there.  Daddy says that when he goes to pick you up, you get really excited and start waving goodbye to all your school friends as soon as you see Daddy through the window.  Funny Batty.  Funny, funny Batty.

• You have discovered Mommy's Stuffies.  And not just JJ (who, I should remind you, is originally Mommy's).  You have discovered where Mommy's Stuffies live!  So when you find yourself in Mommy and Daddy's room, you like to point to the Stuffie Apartment and get all excited when we bring you there.  You aren't partial to any particular ones...mosquito, raccoon, macaw, roachie, hippo, sheepy -- you love them all (though you seem to have a particular affinity for Sleepy Sheepy and his soft blue sleeping hat).  Whenever you reach for one or we hand one to you, you eagerly reach for it, and give it a big, tender hug.  You have great capacity to love, my ducky.  Ama first observed your tremendous tenderness and we've seen it many times since.  This is good, ducky, very good. :)

• Your little pointer finger continues to be one of your best modes of communication.  You point at the music box at dinner when you want Mommy to play it for you (you have a fascination with the music box).  You point at food or your straw cup when you want something in particular.  You point to the Stuffie Apartment when you want one of Mommy's stuffies.  You point to Mr. Yellow when you want your highlighter.  It's really cute and fun. Hopefully you will start to talk a little more, though  :)  (Although we do hear you babble to yourself before you fall asleep, though, so know you CAN talk!

You continue to bring us such delight.  We love you so much.  It's hardest when we see you crying because you're sad (mostly just in the context of daycare dropoff) or when your sinful side shows itself and we have to discipline you.  It's hard to know whether what we're doing, or the way we're doing it, is right.  But we continue to pray (often in front of you) for wisdom from God, who does know the right way to discipline and raise you.  And we trust that God is answering our prayers and will provide, and will give grace where we fail.

We love you tons and tons and tons, our dearest ducky.

Love to Batty,

Mommy

I Will Look Up

All the worries of this world

I will lay them at Your feet
Surrender every anxious thought
For perfect peace, Your perfect peace


All the loved ones I hold dear
All my hopes and dreams and all my fears
I will choose to trust Your name
In everything, with everything

I will look up for there is none above You
I will bow down to tell You that I need You
Jesus Lord of all, Jesus Lord of all

I will take You at Your word
For Jesus You have taken hold of me
All my life is in Your hands
You are my strength, You are my strength

I will look up for there is none above You
I will bow down to tell You that I need You
Jesus Lord of all

I will look back and see that You are faithful
I look ahead believing You are able
Jesus Lord of all, Jesus Lord of all

Prince of Peace, Perfect Healer
All my life, all my cares on You
King of Kings, Mighty Savior
All my life, all my cares on You

I will look up for there is none above You
I will bow down to tell You that I need You
Jesus Lord of all

I will look back and see that You are faithful
I look ahead believing You are able
Jesus Lord of all, You're Jesus Lord of all
Our God is Jesus Lord of all, You're Jesus Lord of all