Some years are more eventful than others -- and 2013 was on the far end of the spectrum. A few highlights and lowlights:
Mr. Squire...
-Took a break from teaching and picked up whatever it is that he's doing now as unpaid Vice President of a two-man hedge fund. This transition from teaching to not-teaching was incredibly difficult for me. Why would God pull a caring, loving, capable teacher out of a desperately flailing system and plop him into some day-trading "job" that doesn't directly add value to the world? It seemed like an utter waste to me, and yet I knew Mr. Squire could not sustain another year as a teacher--and if he left now, he still might return (that's my hope, anyway). So, kicking and screaming and whining a bit on the inside, I went with it. And it hasn't been bad. In fact, it's been good--for me, for the guys in his men's group, for the husbands in his husbands' group, even for his school (because now he goes back to sub and relieve some pressure from the teachers). I don't know what the future holds, but right now, it seems to work.
-Started reading his Bible every day. Ironically, this was a direct consequence of his financial research work, which God used to make him realize that if you're going to go high in your faith, you have to go deep in your knowledge and understanding of God, Jesus, and the Gospel. The God who surprised the world by using non-eldest brothers and humble tribes and towns to raise up the Savior is still using unlikely means today. Three months have passed since Mr. Squire started reading his Bible on a daily basis, and I am still marveling at this amazing answer to my prayers. I believe more strongly now than ever before that God can and does change hearts.
-Became himself again. I didn't realize what a rough road we had been on during his teaching years until he quit. And slowly, he emerged from zombie mode... his emotional capacity increased significantly... he didn't require daily propping-up... he became whole again. All of which, of course, made life much easier for me. Perhaps this hiatus is just what we needed. Knowing God, that must be true.
As for me, I...
-Was given a tremendous gift of revelation about my calling/work circumstances. See this post and this post from October. This is probably the single most major thing that happened to me in 2013. After having struggled for so many months, it has been a great relief to reach a place of relative peace about where I am and where things are right now. Of course, it still feels as if I am sailing on an endless sea, surrounded fully from horizon to horizon by vast expanses of water--no land in sight. It still feels as if I have no map, and no idea to where I am sailing, or why, or how long this mysterious part of the journey will last. It still feels, frankly, as if I am lost. But after months of flailing about, steering hopelessly this way and that, I am ceding control. To be clear, I haven't given up--I've just given over. It still feels like I'm just floating, but now I trust/realize that though I can't literally see God at the helm, He is there. And that makes things a lot more okay.
-Grew a lot at work. I picked up a lot of skills--did many things for the first time, and then for a second and third time. Worked for many people. Built something of a reputation, which I hope to only refine and strengthen in the coming year. I have a lot of work to do, a lot of catching up to do in terms of litigation, and not a lot of time to do it. There have been some very tough moments at work, and many other joyful ones. Overall, I still feel very lucky to be at my firm. The work is good, the opportunities are great, and the people (for the most part) are fantastic. I really don't think it gets much better than this for a law firm in the City.
-Felt a shift in my role for this current season. I sense that God is calling me to enter into certain people's lives to just be there for them. Listen. Pray. Counsel. Pray more. These are people at work, people at church, people currently in law school, people currently in college. I'm seeing that God is using a lot of the challenges from the past to help me speak from a place of true compassion and empathy. Reminds me of II Corinthians 1.
-Performed half of my 2013 New Year's Resolution of reconciling with two people from my past. The other half will not happen, I think. I don't think he welcomes--or even values--reconciliation. Even more so, I don't think he thinks reconciliation is an issue here; in the New York professional world, contacts are used and discarded once they are no longer valuable...so it's just business as usual for him. That makes me sad. I was hoping to have the guts to seek him out anyway, perhaps to demonstrate my own view of the value of a person, but...I'm not that bold yet. More sadness.
-Adopted three new pets: an ostrich (Oi), a mosquito (Bugger), and a donkey (JJ). I freely admit that I have too many pets. But I can't give any of them up.
The Squires...
-Entered into the New Hope project, which has been going well, thanks to G&J in Denver. We continue to marvel at this opportunity and pray for God to use it to bless many people.
In other news, my goal in 2014 is to become a better writer. God willing, I will work at it, He will enable me, and it will happen--somehow, to His glory.
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