One of my brothers from law school, John, has always been a faithful friend to me. We were neighbors during my 1L and 2L years, and I remember spending numerous evenings sitting cross-legged on the floor of his dorm room, musing about the challenges that Christian lawyers face, the challenges that well-educated and privileged Christian lawyers face, how we wanted to use our opportunities to serve the Kingdom, and how we wanted to live out our professional and personal lives in a manner that told a compelling story about who God is.
Post-graduation, he got married and returned to his home state, and I didn't see him and his wife again until a couple years ago, when I went to Houston on business. I've not seen them since.
Nevertheless, we still keep in touch, in what I'll call a "kind of/really" fashion. We "kind of" keep in touch because many, many months pass between each communication. But we "really" keep in touch because the messages we pass back and forth are actually meaningful. John is one of the few who has remained faithfully invested in and concerned about how my life is turning out: how well I'm weathering the challenges that well-educated and privileged Christian lawyers face, how I'm using my opportunities to serve the Kingdom, and how I'm living out my professional and personal life to tell a compelling story about God. He and his wife faithfully prayed for me during the long period when I was confused and agitated about my calling and this desert.
So, a couple months ago, I wrote to John to provide the latest update. I wrote:
Mr. Squire and I are doing well, and we are thankful for your faithful prayers and friendship. It has been a difficult year in terms of coming to terms with the fact that neither of us is (professionally) where we expected and planned to be five years ago. By this time, I was supposed to be a federal prosecutor (or at least actively trying to get into the office) and he was supposed to be in his fifth year of teaching in the inner city. Instead, I am doing civil litigation at a firm, and he is a free-lancing financial consultant for a hedge fund. So often during the past year and a half, we have looked at our lives, mystified -- what is God doing? We had prepared for and sought the other life so wholeheartedly, and we do not understand why we are where we are now.
Many prayers later, we are at a place of acceptance. God's ways are not our ways, and if our faith is measured by obedience, then we feel that we have satisfied that measure -- notwithstanding the outcome. We remain hopeful that God will reveal His purposes to us, and that he will even allow us to participate in the dreams (we thought) He once gave us. In the meantime, though, I'm done being frustrated with God. That's big news! :)
John wrote back, addressing my update in the context of becoming a new father:
I'm realizing that life is about change. You can't stop time, and you can't fix your circumstances just as you'd like them to be. Each day will present its own joys and challenges, no matter how good or bad the day before. One thing that is constant is change. Being able to make the most of it is key, not clinging to the past or worrying incessantly over the future, the former of which can't be revived and the latter of which can't be fully controlled. There are things I'm sure I'll miss once we have kids. Small things like the freedom to eat out without worrying about finding a baby sitter. And larger things too. For the rest of our lives, our kids and their welfare will be ever-present on our hearts and minds. But I also know there will be ways in which our lives will be fulfilled that we can't even imagine, holes that will be plugged that we didn't even know were there. So the change comes, and hopefully, like with all changes, we will embrace it. The Lord's path for our lives may often not be clear. King David was anointed king by Samuel long before he took the throne. The path to kingship was anything but direct, but the Lord brought him there. I guess we learn through all the changes and unexpected turns in the road to trust God more and make the most of each stage of life, even if it is different than the ones before it, or different from our expectations for it.
Well said, John. Thank you for your faithful friendship, and your wisdom.
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