Junior Squire

Disclaimer:  We haven't really "come out" to many people about this new development in our lives, so for those of you readers who know us personally, this is not an invitation to mention the news to others.  That said, this blog has always been meant to be an honest repository of my thoughts and musings about what God is teaching and showing me in life, and it seems odd to keep refraining from any mention of Junior.

We first found out about Junior a couple months ago during our visit to California.  I had been suspecting for a little while, but seeing the plus sign on the pregnancy test--combined with a blunt, "Yup, you guys are pregnant" from C's husband--still came as something of a shock.  It took some time to get used to the idea, particularly in light of my super-busy work schedule (preparing for a trial in September on top of two other cases in discovery and a mediation that I am handling myself, and drafting a Second Circuit brief on a criminal case that is near to my heart) and my concerns about my readiness to be a parent.  

Somewhere in the blur of getting used to the idea, we also got started on other basic holy-crap-this-is-for-real-we-need-to-get-ready tasks, like researching prenatal vitamins and obstetricians who were (a) reputable and (b) sufficiently convenient from a geographic standpoint, given our current home in Brooklyn, my office in Midtown, and our future home in New Jersey.  

I finally caught a mental breath after our first visit to the OB (whom we LOVE, thanks be to God), when we heard Junior's heartbeat and saw him on a sonogram for the first time.  Hearing his heartbeat and seeing the tiny being ("the tenant," according to our OB) floating around in my uterus ("the apartment") made him more of a real being, and less of a theoretical concept.  And then I felt like I had begun to be a parent.

I'm glad that the pregnancy process is long.  It is giving us time to prepare in practical ways (i.e. read a couple books, move apartments, buy a crib, etc.) and spiritual ways (i.e. begin what I anticipate/hope will be a lifelong habit of praying for our children, together, daily).  It is all happening slowly enough to feel manageable, too, which is very helpful.  Oftentimes I look at my calendar at work (which now features red numbers on each Wednesday, denoting the number of weeks old that Junior is), and I wonder how we could possibly be only in week X, because it felt like we were in week X-2 soooo long ago.  It's like time is crawling--and I think that is the right speed for me right now.  Our lives are about to change so drastically.  I don't traditionally deal well with change, let alone drastic change (marriage was an exception).  So I am thankful that God is allowing me to experience life and this pregnancy at a total snail's pace.  It is exactly what I need.

The weeks and months ahead hold much uncertainty for us.  I have learned the hard way--through three sets of friends who lost their babies post-birth this past year--that nothing is guaranteed.  So we try to keep our eyes on Jesus, to thank Him for each blessing we experience on the journey (e.g. confirmation that we didn't have have a missed miscarriage last week), but to hold on loosely to whatever He gives us along the way, knowing that everything is temporary.