Reflections

Hello from Palmtreeville.  What an eventful couple weeks it has been! 

I finished working at the Firm and enjoyed a warm and heartfelt sendoff, which was really nice.  Cakes, speeches, farewell lunches, gifts, voicemails, emails, visits... it was all reflective of the strong ties and overwhelmingly positive experience I had there over the last several years. I know that is a gift from God and I'm so thankful.

I've been off ever since, and Junior has been enjoying 24/7 time with Mommy--so much so that she has *finally* started to babble with frequency...and the thing she says most is "mama mama mama."  Be still my heart.  Best sound EVER.  Even in the early morning when she's flashing her huge grin while murmuring "mama mama mama" and trying to climb up to our bed (given our fun little setup here at Mr. Squire's parents' place, where there is no crib, so we put a huge mattress on the floor next to our bed).  And even in the dead of night (as was the case last night) when she was howling for no apparent reason and in the midst of her sobbing, she cried "mama! mama! mama!"  What a sound.  I love it.   And I'm relieved that it has put to rest (for now) my concerns about her being speech-delayed.

I've been enjoying 24/7 time with Junior, too.  Being able to spend more time with her means knowing her better, and satisfying our mutual (I think) longing for more time together.  Her grin lights up the room, and her laugh is contagious.  She loves slapping surfaces, playing with doors and door springs,  blind pulls, and snapping bands, straps, and everything else her fingers can find.  She thinks it's funny when I play "telephone" with the slinky I gave her (it was mine; I bought it 20+ years ago).  She is mostly obedient when it comes to avoiding things that we designate as "no no."  She is very good in crowds and likes to smile at other people (though she mostly won't let them hold her).

She is really tall. And strong.  We spent a good half hour teaching her how to use pillows or Daddy's torso as leverage to climb onto the big bed and she's got it down now.  She doesn't like being put into her mousetrap (car seat), and arches her back and tries to stand in tremendous protest.  And she likes to pull the glasses off of my face. 

We took her swimming yesterday and she had a great time splashing around. It's warmer--much warmer--here, so the pool isn't cold for her and she likes it.  Good thing, too... would be tough to live here and not like pools. :-p  It's been very hot here (and we're at the END of summer--horrors!) and she's taking the heat okay, but she doesn't love it. Neither do I. :-p 

She did great during our two intense days of looking for an apartment. We saw maybe 10 properties altogether, so she spent a lot of time riding in the car and shuttling in and out of properties and in and out of the air conditioning.  Not easy for a baby. We've been very proud of her.

Oh, and I came up with my own nursery rhyme for Junior, since I don't like the original version of Jack and Jill.  Here goes:

Jack and Jill ran up the hill

To fetch their good friend Batty.

Then the three

Climbed up a tree

To look for Batty's daddy.

Batty's daddy was at the table

finishing his queso.

When all of a sudden

Batty came runnin'

to give him a little beso! 

Tada!

It's like my riff on pat-a-cake...

Pat-a-cake, Pat-a-cake

Baker's man

Bake me a cake as fast as you can

pat it and poke it

and mark it with a B

and put it in the oven

for Bathands and me.

Pat-a-cake, Pat-a-cake

Baker's man

Bake Daddy a cake as fast as you can

pat it and poke it

and mark it with a D

Otherwise Daddy's going to say,

"Guys? Guys?...What about me?!"

Pat-a-cake, Pat-a-cake

Baker's man

Bake Mommy a cake as fast as you can

pat it and poke it

and mark it with an M

otherwise...OM NOM NOM 

NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM!!!

We found an apartment, by God's grace.  It's got a lot of space (ironically, three times the space we had in Brooklyn, but for less rent) in a beautiful neighborhood that we are considering for a permanent home. Not sure yet, but that's why we're renting there for a year--so we can try it out.  We've been praying for a soft landing and I think/hope/pray that this will fit that bill.

I continue to have apprehension about this move, but I think it's normal.  This trip has been good, because it has made the move real.  Like...we really don't know anyone. So we spend all of our time together.  It's really hot here...so we spend a lot of time indoors because we have to.  We don't have a church yet...and we need to find one, but what will it be like?  And we really don't know much about the area...so we need to figure that stuff out.  And our time here has been good for driving all of those points home, and giving us a taste of what our initial period here will be like.  Then we get to fly home for a bit of a reprieve and time for reflection and further mental preparation...and then we come down here for real.  It's a tremendous blessing to have a long lead time before I start my job; I'm very grateful.

We met a family at the church we attended today, and they invited us over for dinner, so we'll spend more time with them tomorrow.  I like them, at least on our initial meeting.  And I so appreciate their willingness to reach out to us right away. It's weird being on the receiving end again.  I'm back to where I was just a few years ago, when I first moved to New York.  A lot has happened since then...and I'm reminded that God will provide here, as He richly provided there.

All in all...I'm still nervous.  Sometimes I think to myself, what have I done?? But it's easy to think that when I'm on an extended vacation, done with Firm life, done with being on-call 24/7, done with the intensity that is private practice in the City.  In my moments when I think I might regret all of this, I need to remember first and foremost that this is the product of years of prayer and seeking.  God brought us here; both Mr. Squire and I believe that wholeheartedly, even though this change is already very difficult for us.  

And second, I need to remember that Egypt isn't better.  Egypt is leaving home at 8:30 and getting home at 7:15--on a good day.  Egypt is checking email constantly and not knowing whether an assignment will come in, ruining evening, weekend, holiday, or vacation plans.  Egypt is working until midnight or later, preparing for a trial, while pregnant or coming right out of maternity leave.  Egypt is lots of paper. Lots and lots of paper. And fighting over discovery.  Egypt is things getting harder--not easier--as you advance.  Egypt is doing something that wasn't my original calling, nor my permanent calling, it seems.

Still, the exodus out of Egypt is hard.  We are called to be strong and courageous, though, trusting fully in God who is leading us and with us and for us.

The song "Oceans" speaks to me just as much as it did back in April when all of this began.

​​You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior