River God

I can't sleep.  I woke up around 6am this morning (Saturday morning! So sad!), and couldn't really sleep for the next hour and a half, so I got up at 7:30.  Talk about a waste of opportunity to catch up on sleep--particularly since I've had insomnia until 3 or 4am at least three times in the last eight days.  Sigh.

Lots of time to think about stuff in my waking hours, of course.  Sometimes thinking about work and how I wonder what exactly I'm doing here and whether I'm doing it well and what will become of me when I hit my first decade as a lawyer (coming up in five years!).  Sometimes thinking about Mr. Squire and what he's going to do after the next nine schooldays end.  Sometimes thinking about our LLC and what God will choose to do with our Denver project... will it be a flop? what unexpected surprises lie around the corner? are we really ready to take on this big of a project?  will the ministry actually take off?  Sometimes thinking about our friends...many friends are suffering right now.  We're in a season of hurt, and waiting waiting waiting for a season of healing and renewal for our friends.

And sometimes, not so much thinking as "listening" to the music that wanders into my head.  This morning (and the last couple days), "River God" by Nichole Nordeman has been on my mind.  Lyrics are below.

I love the concept behind this song:  that we are stones, born rough around the edges, but shaped and formed and refined over long periods of time through God's constant work in our lives.  Little stones are smooth only once the water passes through.  The river (God) flows constantly around the stones--sometimes quickly, swirling around in an active flow.  Other times, the river simply surrounds the stone in stillness--but is still very much present.  In either case, the river never leaves the stone, never stops shaping it, never stops running fresh sediment through to polish this side and whittle away that side.   Sometimes raging wild, sometimes swollen high, never have I known this river dry. 

It's not a quick process.  I know that time brings change...and change takes time.  I'm very much a product of my century and of my profession.  As a result, I like things to be done (a) quickly, and (b) well in advance.  And so, I want to be made righteous now--or even better, yesterday.  But...it shall not be.  Fixing the sharp angles of this stone will take a lifetime of divine work.  

One day, we will meet the best of our hopes (and more).  Not only because the world will finally be made right, and creation will be restored to its original intended glory (wow, do I long for that day!).  But also because God's people will also finally(!) be made right, and once again fully reflect the image of God.  When the sunset comes, my prayer would be just this one: that you might pick me up and notice that I am just a little smoother in your hand...

River God 

Rolling river God 
Little stones are smooth 
Only once the water passes through 
So I am a stone 
rough and grainy still 
Trying to reconcile this river's chill

But when I close my eyes 
and feel you rushing by 
I know that time brings change 
and change takes time 
And when the sunset comes 
my prayer would be just this one 
that you might pick me up 
and notice that I am 
just a little smoother in your hand

Sometimes raging wild 
sometimes swollen high 
never have I known this river dry 
The deepest part of you 
is where I want to stay 
and feel the sharpest edges wash away

But when I close my eyes 
and feel you rushing by 
I know that time brings change 
and change takes time 
And when the sunset comes 
my prayer would be just this one 
that you might pick me up 
and notice that I am 
just a little smoother in your hand