Self-Diagnosis

(Updated 6/3/2013)

One of the things our pastor spoke about today during service was figuring out who we really are, and finding out who we're serving, and what we're really all about.  He maintains that the easiest way to find out who you really are is to ask someone else.  But, for those who are more into self-diagnosis, he proposes pondering over the following three questions:

1.  What do you want?

2.  What are your dreams?

3.  Who do you love?

Correlative questions include: (a) where do you spend your money? and (b) how do you spend your time?

I think these are great questions because, especially in combination, they really do reveal a lot about a person.  I wonder what they would reveal about me.  Time for some deep reflection.  

1.  What do you want?

Spiritually... I want to be found faithful, not just at the end of my life (assuming a long life) but at the end of any phase of my life (assuming my life will be cut short).  I want to be spiritually wise and to know God's heart.  I want to reflect who Christ is to other people, and to be a mirror of His love and compassion to those who don't know Him.  I want to lead people who don't know Jesus to His family, and see them come to believe in Him and live for Him.  I want to use the spiritual gifts God has given me to bless others and to help others experience His goodness. I want to support those who are living for Jesus, serving full-time in missions, both locally and around the world.  I want to be like Jesus in word and in deed--kind and gentle and compassionate, but also having wisdom to see things as they are, and to have great discernment.  I want to understand what God's justice requires, and to live it out.  I want to not rebel against God in my heart.  I want to understand communion and baptism.  I want to have a heart that doesn't selectively judge my brothers and sisters, or take them for granted, or grumble against them.  I want to be a good and faithful sister to my brothers and sisters in Christ.  I want to not disappoint God. I want to live outside of myself and truly care for the prisoner, widow, and orphan.  It seems that that has been largely lost on evangelical America, and I want to find it and live it.   I want to learn to stop caring so much about other people's approval, and learn what it means to live for an audience of one.  I want to be brave.

In relationships... In my marriage, I want to be my husband's best friend and closest confidante, his emotional and spiritual rock, the one he can always depend on, take joy in, and never fear.  I want him to always make me laugh; never lose his boyish, clear-eyed innocence; and always be my own safe haven, the one whom I take joy in, depend on, and never fear.  I want to precede Mr. Squire in death so as to never have to live without him.  With respect to my parents, I want them always to feel enormously loved and cared for by me.  I never know which day they're going to die.  Whenever that day may come, I want them to die with a great sense of satisfaction and contentment about their relationship with me.  With respect to any future children God may give us, I want to be wise, discerning, loving, compassionate, and hands-on as a mom.  I want to relate well to my kids, and to discipline them with love and care in a way that will help them understand right from wrong.  I want to teach them how to exercise good judgment--emotionally, relationally, physically, spiritually, financially.  I want to lead them to Christ and point to who He is, and raise them to love Him.  In my friendships, I want to be a faithful, helpful, wise friend--someone who carries their friends' burdens without complaining but with joy.  I want to be a wise counselor.  I admit... I want to be loved--and I also want to be liked.  I want to be admired, and missed when I'm gone.  I want to be unforgettable and indispensable. 

At work... I want to be challenged at work, and I want to be good at my job.  I want to do my work with excellence.  I want to know what I'm doing, and do it well.  I want to do work that helps people where they need it most.  I want to do work that promotes justice--God's type of justice.  I want to use my legal skills and opportunities to serve those who can't help themselves.  I want to put my degree to good use, but I don't want to feel bound by the expectations that come with it.  I want to work in a place where I like my coworkers (which is certainly the case now).  I want to show my coworkers who Christ is.  I don't want to work crazy hours.  I don't want to work every weekend, or even most weekends.  I don't want to work so hard that I miss out on my kids, marriage, church life, extended family, and friends.  I want the combination of my wants to be possible.  

And for everything else...  I want to live in a cozy house.  I want to live someplace where I can watch crops grow and hear birds chirp outside my window, and see the horizon.  I want to stop worrying about things I can't control.  I want to come to peace with my body-image issues.  I want to stop complaining about stupid stuff.  I want to learn how to make cakes with fondant icing.  I want to have Christmas cookie-decorating parties.  I want to live near my closest friends and see them often.  I want to appreciate the friends I do have nearby.  I want to live near family, and I want my kids to grow up near their relatives.  I want to stop secretly wishing for someone else's life (because mine is pretty awesome).  I want to appreciate what I have.  I don't want to have to worry about money, but I don't want money to be my god, and I also want to prove that Christians at our income level can and should live simply, instead of buying into what the world shows us is the way to go.  I want time to make crafts with my hands.  I want time to write articles for magazines.  I want time and resources to try the things I've been pinning on Pinterest.  I want my stuffed animals to always be real to me, but not have my kids freak out about their mom being weird.  I want to get better at telling jokes, and be a more effective speaker in general.  I want to make my life worth something that lasts.

2.  What are your dreams?  

See above.  I think that pretty much covers it.

3.  Who do you love?I love Mr. Squire.  I think I love God--or at least I try to love Him.  I love my parents.  I love my brother and sister-in-law and niece.  I love my friends--some more than others.  I have a degree of love for prisoners, the downtrodden, the hungry and homeless.  I'd like to love them more, because Jesus sure did.